Monday, August 18, 2008

it is going to fall

sometimes the anxiety just eats at me and i cannot sit still, i cannot remain in control. it's like having a thousand little generators in my soul, feeding electricity into my fear, ramping it up to massive swells of power so that i lay there in bed feeling more and more like i need to run from my bed to race directly to work.

or exactly the opposite will happen, dreading the time passing, dreading some imagined horrible problem, some confrontation, some revelation or public humiliation that causes the time to stretch out to such a degree that it could be thrummed like a note from a cello and the resulting vibration amplifies the fear until it is creaming along your nerves... and only five minutes have passed.

other days, it is the low, subliminal bass hum of the unknown which lurks around the corner with malice and evil intent, the kinetic energy of kitchen knife waiting to spring into my back. it isn't here now, maybe not later today but it will bury itself to the hilt, it will, it's coming and nothing you can do will delay it. nothing.

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