Friday, August 22, 2008

where angels never wait

i am so sad today, so sad. i feel this little weight in my soul, this silent wish for quiet and peace.

granted it's not helping that i'm listening to radiohead acoustic recordings (currently "no surprises"). it's a long way to tonight and i feel like crying the entire way. when is this supposed to end.

i remember as a young man that i thought that if i could just make it long enough, thing would change. different town, different friend, better future. god would lose his hold on my guilty heart and i could actually enjoy something, anything.

but i look around at my life, un-fulfilled, no dreams, no plans. i don't like where i live, my family, my wife. it's all a sham, a false front that no one can see through and from what i've found, no one really wants to. we all look away from the unfortunate, the sad, the downtrodden because we don't want to be reminded of our own pain.

so i am alone in this as usual, looking through the dirty windows at the life lived on the other side. you go on, i'll be along in just a minute. no, not crying, just got something in my eye.

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