Tuesday, September 23, 2008

creeping along each day

it has been a little while and frankly, i am sorry for being away. i do like to hear my voice echo off into the silence. 

it seems like it's been forever but i realize that most of my days seem to take forever to pass, mainly due to the dread of the moment. i ache constantly for nightfall so that i can just go to bed, lay down and pretend that everything is fine. close my eyes.

too bad I am having a terrible time sleeping lately. i wake up every few hours, sometimes soaked in sweat, my jaw hurting from clenching and a sense of fear in my belly. other times my eyes open as if for no reason and i am fully awake but still asleep. either way, i am starting to go a little crazy here with the lack of it.

the plus side is that i am being rather stand up-ish, not letting people take advantage of me at work, telling it like it is and really making progress on things. granted, it's not making me any more popular but i certainly feel better for it. fuck 'em if they can't handle it.

oh and banner day, i actually remembered a dream i had which is exceedingly rare for me and while it's topic is kind of gross, it is still a nice change of pace. basically, i was stuck in the middle of a large grassy area, unable to take a step in any direction as there was an inordinate amount of dog shit everywhere and i would have to step in it to get out of the very stinky field. 

it was a lovely sunny day, too, if that matters.

i'm sure the meaning of that one is pretty obvious so i'm gonna forego the easy interpretation. 

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